Current time: 01-19-2018, 09:41 PM

Hello There, Guest! Register
facebook
Instagram
Eddles

Another Friday Funny

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
#61
Ek dink my bure is moer arm.

Jy moes sien hoe gaan die vrou tekere toe haar baba 'n vyf sent munt insluk.
Reply
BFSA
#62
A Male Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, “Will you marry me?”

The Princess said, “No!!!”

And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and banged many skinny long-legged big-ti**ed women and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to strip bars and dated women half his age and drank whisky, beer and Captain Morgans and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and kept his house and golf clubs and ate spam and chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was cool and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.


The End
Reply
#63
A guys hated his wife's cat and one day when she was out he loaded the cat and drove 2km out of town and dumped the cat on the side of the road. When he got home the cat was already back there so he loaded it again and drove 5km out of town this time and did the same.
When he got home the cat was once again back home!
So he loaded the cat again and drove to hell and gone making left and right turns, twice through traffic circles etc convinced that this cat will never find it's way back again.

later that evening the phone rings at his house and his wife answers. He asks her, lovey, is your cat at home? Yes she replies, why? He says, put that damn cat on the phone, I'm lost!
Reply
#64
Back on January 9th, a group of Pekin , Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge . So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,

"Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked ....."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says,

"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why the hell are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.
Reply
#65
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The
pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered
it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that
he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in
another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP
SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
The Bishop was besides himself, so he ordered the
pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to
give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the
following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN
TOWN
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would
have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer
for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
The distressed Bishop was hysterical, so he ordered the
nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains
where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
Reply
#66
Manure... An interesting fact Manure :

In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything for export had to be transported by ship.

It was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common.

It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet,

but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again,

of which a by-product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles,

you can see what could (and did) happen.

Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern,

BOOOOM!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening

After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction '

Stow high in transit ' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks

so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this "volatile" cargo

and start the production of methane.

Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ' , (Stow High In Transit)

which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.
Reply
BFSA
#67
So true...

This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 years' experience. It has an indisputable mathematical logic. This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint and it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And:
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But:
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And:
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there. It's the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.

Now you know why some people are where they are
Reply
#68
...
[ATTACHMENT NOT FOUND]
Reply
#69
[Image: 1620823_456895331077388_1597134512_n_zps2ceadaa3.jpg]
[Image: SignatureSmallBFSA_zps89bcf1e2.png]
Reply
#70
[Image: IMG-20140311-WA0001.jpg]
Reply
#71
I'm sure this chap has a brother on this site...???

[Image: 28ix6bn.jpg]
[Image: Dreamfish.jpg]
Reply
BFSA
#72
That's got to be Patrick Swayze in drag
Reply
#73
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlOxlSOr3_M[/youtube]
Reply
#74
Good idea for the next Schuster movie :blue-biggrin:
[Image: 20160425%20All%20Sponsors%20Footer.png]
Reply
#75
Holy crap - I'd love to pull a stunt like that.
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)